
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/6559270.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      F/M
  Fandom:
      Zootopia_(2016)
  Relationship:
      Judy_Hopps/Nick_Wilde
  Character:
      Judy_Hopps, Nick_Wilde
  Additional Tags:
      Past_Rape/Non-con, Triggers
  Series:
      Part 3 of Let_Me_Drive_For_a_While
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-04-15 Words: 2944
****** Letters to Ghosts ******
by Wesley
Summary
     Judy finally opens up about what happened to her. Nick has his mind
     made up.
Notes
     This was the hardest thing I've ever had to write. There are pretty
     graphic depictions of underage rape so PLEASE be forewarned before
     you read this. I had to get this part out and there was no other way
     of going about it but to just write it and have it be what it was
     before I could move onto the fluff. Thank you for reading and for
     bearing with me while I get these painful parts out!
     For those of you interested the writing soundtrack was:
     - Lay it All On Me by Rudimental (feat. Ed Sheeran)
     - In the Night by the Weekend
            She was still in last night’s clothes. How much did I drink?! 
            “Nick, I’m so sorry, I…I must have had more than I thought.” She
was completely mortified. He was staring at her with a mixture of sadness and
unease. She took a few steps towards him; he sat up on the couch. “I’m really
sorry.” Her ears drooped down her back, her paws fidgeting together nervously.
            “It’s alright.” His tone was hollow. Oh God, what did I do?“How
much do you remember from last night?”
            “I remember,” she paused for a moment, thinking hard on the
previous night’s events. Everything seemed like a dream; there was a veil over
everything, just blurred images. Just out of reach. “I remember…you said,” she
paused, blushing slightly, “you said you needed me….And we…kissed,” she said
smiling sheepishly, trying to gauge his reaction.
             “Yes.” He said hesitantly.
            “And, I don’t, really…” she trailed off…Fingers on the back of her
neck. The blurred images cleared; her legs felt weak, bones turning to ice.
“I…oh my God,” her eyes widened, “I kicked you! Nick.” She rushed to his side,
half reaching towards him. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry. Are you hurt?” Her paw
gently reached out and touched his side; he took it in his hands.
            “I’m fine Carrots,” he said softly, motioning for her to sit next
to him. She was holding back tears. “Carrots…” He trailed off, completely
unsure of where to start.
            “Nick I…I’m…” He waited patiently for her to try and compose her
thoughts. “I freaked out, didn’t I?” Her eyes moved back and forth, he could
see it was coming back to her in slow waves.
             “Has anything like this ever happened before?”
             “No,” she whispered. “Well…maybe, I think, once before.” She was
quiet for a moment, pulling harshly on her left ear before she whispered, “Oh
God, I’m totally nuts.”
            “Carrots,” he dared to put an arm around her shoulder, “you’re the
least crazy person I’ve ever met.” She stared up at him, eyes frantic and
confused. “You went somewhere last night, it’s like you weren’t here.” She
closed her eyes and grimaced. “I don’t know, I think…I think maybe I should
have called someone.”
            “No! Please Nick no, it would ruin me.” Her small paw grasped at
his arm.
            “Shh, it’ okay.” He held her against his chest, stroking her head
gently. He was quiet for a moment before he spoke. “Judy, I don’t know if…I
don’t know what to do here. I can help you, I can try, but I’m not a
professional.” The familiar ache was rising in his chest again. “I don’t know
what the right thing is to do here.” For the first time in his life he wasn’t
sure of anything. She turned to meet his gaze, her eyes full of tears.
             “Nicky, I’m so sorr—”
             “Do not apologize.”
             “Oh god, you think I’m crazy,” she shook her head.
             He took her face in his hands, “Listen to me Judy, I do not think
you’re crazy. I needto help you. But if I let you walk out that door, and
something like this happens and I’m not around…and you get hurt…” He shook the
image out of his mind.
             “I understand.” she whispered. He can’t deal with me; I’m too much
of a liability. She’d freaked out and gone somewhere that he couldn’t follow.
             “Hey,” he soothed. “If we’re going to be together I have to make
sure you’re okay, right?”
            “Be…together?” Her nose twitched in that adorable way he loved when
she was surprised by something. Is he serious? After….everything?
             “Well, yes. I mean, unless you—”
            “You still want to be together, even, even after last night?” The
room was spinning, her head reeling with disbelief and sheer bliss.
            His perplexed look said it all. “Of course I still want to be with
you. You think I changed my mind?” She nodded, tears spilling down her cheeks.
            “Oh Carrots,” he wrapped his arm around her, resting his head on
top of hers. “You have to so much to learn.” She laughed in his arms, a mixture
of relief and fear brewing in the pit of her stomach. After a long moment he
pulled her back to look her full in the face, “Judy, I want to be with you, I
wasn’t lying when I said I needed you. But I have to take care of you, even if
that means getting you help I can’t provide.” She cringed. “Hey,” he placed a
hand on her cheek, “let’s just take it one day at a time, okay?”
            “Why are you so amazing?” She breathed.
            “You make it pretty easy Carrots.” She beamed at him. That was the
Judy he knew, but he needed to understand the Judy he didn’tknow. He swallowed.
“Look, I’m not going to force anything out of you, you’ve been through enough,
but…Judy…who did this to you?” His face was serious, more serious than she’d
ever seen before.
            The warm rays of sunlight glistened off the coffee table,
refracting onto her face making her purple eyes sparkle.
            “I want to tell you. I need to tell you. I have to tell someone.”
His heart skipped a beat. All these years she’d been keeping it buried inside.
He could feel her slowly pulling away; he gently pulled her back to his side.
            “I’m here to listen, to just sit with you in silence if that’s what
you need, but you have to trust me. You have to stay with me. Focus. Don’t
leave Judy.” She was shaking in his arms. “I’ve seen some things, I’ve…been
through some things before but this is...” he trailed off. “You haveto face it
Judy, at some point. It doesn’t have to be with me,” he emphasized, “but you
can’t hide from it anymore.” 
            “I want it to be you. I need to tell you Nick.” He petted her
gently as she spoke slowly, choking to get the words out. Her giant, glistening
eyes ripped a hole in his heart; he hugged her so tightly, engulfing her in his
warm fur. He had dealt with some serious shit in his lifetime but this was a
whole new level of fucked.
            Her shaking slowly subsided. “I’ll make you some breakfast,” he
said quietly.
            “I honestly don’t think I could eat right now. Not if I…I’m going
to tell you.
            “Judy I don’t know if now is such a—”
            “Nick, please, I don’t think…if I don’t get this out I never will.”
She was starting to panic again.
            “Alright, it’s alright.” He petted her face softly. The warm
sunlight filled the room, warming them both. Nick wanted nothing more than to
rip the shades shut, closing them off from the outside world.
            She crawled out of his grip and backed herself against the couch
cushions opposite of him. “Be patient with me.” Her face was pure misery.
            He was going to kill whoever did this her. “Of course honey, take
all the time you need.” She took several deep breaths as she wrapped her arms
around her knees, pulling them close to her chest. Nick settled back in the
cushions, attempting to do anything that would make her more comfortable.     
   
            She opened her mouth to speak several times but no words came out.
Her eyes pressed hard together. “Fuck.”
             “I’m here, Carrots.” Her eyes opened slowly to a gorgeous fox,
smiling empathetically with such patience. Don’t be a coward Judy.Her eyes
slowly settled on a spot on the coffee table.
             “You asked me…if I had ever been with someone. I said no, and I…I
lied.” She drew a deep breath. “It was a long time ago. There was a boy...at
school, when I was a kid. I was in middle school and he was in high school.”
She paused. Each sentence was like stabbing a knife into her heart. Nick felt
sick to his stomach seeing her this way, watching her try to dig up something
buried so deep. “He was several years older than me. All the girls liked him.”
Her face twisted in disgust. “I thought he was cute; he was popular and I was
just a simple Carrot farmer’s daughter. One day, after school, I was waiting
for my parents to pick me up. I used to play in the grass behind the school
with my friends while I waited. Mom and dad always had a lot of work to do and
couldn’t always pick up me on time.” Those purple eyes were so far away again.
Was he going to break her, destroy her, making her tell him this? He thought
about stopping her but considered just how much damage he would cause, how
rejected she would feel just as she was opening up to him. Him. The first
person she’d ever told.
            “I was out in the fields and I heard my name. I looked up. I…I
couldn’t believe it. It was him. Everyone stared at me, like I was something
special. We’d never spoken, I didn’t even know he knew my name…He called my
name and motioned for me to come over. He had this real nice car, and, well my
parent drove this old, dirty truck. But his car was shiny and red and so
pretty…He said he’d take me home if I wanted. All the kids were looking at me,
a few of them waved goodbye like I should go. I was so excited. I mean, he knew
who I was. He knew my name and he wanted to drive me home.”
            Nick was barely breathing, his eyes pinned to her face. “He was
really nice, he asked me questions about my family, he seemed really
interested…” Judy trailed off. “Then…I…I noticed we weren’t going towards my
house.” Nick’s claws pressed into his palms. “He said he wanted to show me
something, something real pretty.” Her voice was a whisper now. “He drove me to
this beautiful field of flowers, all kinds of flowers that I’d never seen
before. He said it could be our special place. I didn’t know what he meant but
I felt so happy. He asked me if I wanted to come there every day after school.
I was so excited; I said ‘of course I do.’ He seemed happy about that.”
            “He said that I was special and he was going to show me something.
Something, something to make me even more special.” She trailed off and was
quiet for several moments. Nick closed his eyes feeling lightheaded.
            He could hardly find a voice to speak. “Carrots,” he croaked. “Hey,
come back to me.” She shook her head slightly before starting again. “He…uh…he
petted my dress. He said it was pretty, that I was pretty. He pulled me close
and said I was special. I didn’t know what he was doing, He…he reached down
and…I didn’t know what was happening. I’d never felt…I didn’t know you could
feel that way. He said he would make me feel good, if I…” her voice trembled,
“If I…made him feel go—, good too.” She stuttered. “He dropped me off home
later, he pulled up to the house and told my parents that he could drive me
home every day to help. His family was well known in town. I thought maybe I
should tell them, about what happened. But he said that it wouldn’t be special,
Iwouldn’t be special anymore and I couldn’t see the pretty flowers. I think my
parents, they were happy that such a popular family was interested in me. I
don’t know. Maybe they thought it would be good for their business. I just
wanted to be special.” Large tears rolled down her cheeks.
            Nick’s stomach churned, his eyes burning and muscles tense with
rage. “It went on that way for a few weeks, every day after school, stopping at
the flower fields and then…I don’t know, he started to change. He never
acknowledged me in the halls or in front of anyone else. Every day after school
he would just pull his car up out front and I would get in…” She started to
drift off again. Nick brushed a shaking hand against her arm bringing her back
to the present. She swallowed hard. “He stopped taking me to the flower fields
after a while, just pulling off on a dirt road. He was so strong, always
pulling and pushing. It was just little things at first…but….one night, he said
he wanted me to relax. He…”
            Nick bit the inside of his mouth, tasting copper. “He grabbed the
back of my neck and he forced me, forced me down. I didn’t know what I was
doing, it hurt so much. When we pulled up to the house that night I told myself
I would tell my parents but, he looked at me like…like he would, I don’t know,
like he would kill me.” She wrapped her arms even tighter around her knees. “It
just went on from there. He would push me against the side of the car. I would
just turn away and wait till he was done. It hurt so much.” She shuddered. A
small whine escaped Nick’s throat.
            Nick’s head was spinning. He wasn’t sure he could hear anymore but
he had to let her finish. “One night, he kept pulling on my neck and I said, I
said ‘Jeremy please stop that hurts.’ He stopped and looked at me and for a
second I thought, I thought he was going to smile like he used to. But…he…” He
voice shook. Her words came tumbling out, “he hit me.”
            “He just kept hitting me. He said I…was a, was a stupid bitch. A
dumb, little slut and he could do whatever he wanted. I don’t know what made me
do it but I kicked him. I kicked him in the face. He clawed at me and I just
remember screaming. I knew that no one could hear me but I couldn’t stop Nick,
I couldn’t stop. I fumbled for the door handle and scrambled out, running as
fast as I could.” She rocked slightly back and forth on the couch. “I just
remember him shouting as I ran that he would kill me, that no one would believe
me…I ran all the way home. I told my parents that a bully at school had hit me
and I didn’t want Jeremy to pick me up anymore.” She was quiet for several
moments. “That was it. They tried to get me to tell them more but I just
couldn’t.”
            “I saw him in the hallways sometimes but he never so much as looked
at me after that. He graduated the next year and I never saw him again.” She
took several deep breaths, her shoulders shaking uncontrollable, adrenaline
pumping through her veins. Her skin crawled. She had never felt so dirty in her
life. “Nick I’ve never told anyon—” She stopped at the sight of Nick’s face;
his shoulders were rising rapidly with each rapid breath. His eyes were pressed
tightly together, every muscle in his body taught. “Nick…”
            “Where is he?” His voice was deep and steady.
            “He…he died. Car accident, a few years later.” He sat as still as
stone for a few moment, his breathing quieted. He opened his eyes, streaks of
tears ran down his face.
            “Nick.” She whispered. The Nick she knew wasn’t vulnerable, he
wasn’t shakable; he looked completely destroyed. He held his arms out, she
perked up for a moment, wiped her face on her sleeve and crawled into his arms,
curling up on his lap. He stroked her head softly, letting her cry gently on
his lap. “It’s like, like every time you touch me I can feel him Nick. Like
he’s under my skin, just waiting there. I can’t get him off me.” She sobbed.
            “Carrots,” his tone was firm but empathetic, “he has nothing to do
with you. He’s not a part of who you are, who you were, nothing.” She sat up in
his lap, her eyes searched his frantically, shifting back and forth rapidly as
he spoke. “He can never make you someone you’re not. We are not going to give
him that power. You are Judy, my Judy, and nothing else matters. No one can
take that from you. Do you understand?” She didn’t answer immediately, a
mixture of confusion and pain on her face. “Do you understand?” He repeated.
She nodded. “I’m going to take care of you Judy. I will never hurt you and I
will never lie to you. I’m going to show you what it means to be…” he paused,
his mouth dry, “what it means to be loved.” Her paw tightened on his arm. “It’s
not going to be easy. It’s going to be so hard for you to let go. But we’ll get
through this…together.” He sighed, “one day at a time,” forcing a smile.
            “Nick I…” she continued to stare at him, trepidation and pain
pouring out of every inch of her being.
            “You and me, right Carrots?” He ran a thumb from her forehead down
her nose. She shuddered in pleasure.
            “I want to try,” she smiled, wiping the last of the tears from her
face. “Show me?”
            There was so much love in his gaze. “Oh Carrots, I have so many
things to show you.”
           
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